Christian Lindner probably thought his plan was brilliant and fool-proof.
Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.
Who thought this German federal election was a good idea anyway?
Christian Lindner probably did, but boy was he wrong.
The former finance minister and leader of the fiscally conservative Free Democratic Party (FDP) should have been more … conservative. Strategically speaking, that is.
His miscalculation can only be compared to very few other incredibly ill-timed political choices — see Matteo Salvini betraying then-Prime Minister Giuseppe Conte from an Italian beach wearing a debatable outfit, hoping to take the country to the polls, only to find that Conte had other allies in Parliament and could simply exclude him from government while carrying on as PM with another coalition for a couple of years.
In a similar and very mature child-throwing-all-his-toys-out-of-the-crib vein, Lindner wanted out.
And in November, he got what he wanted.
Tired of months of will-they-won’t-they back and forth in the media circuits and among political pundits about a potential breakup, Scholz finally put the finance minister out of his misery: He let Lindner go. Reports that the FDP leader painted his face blue and shouted the word “freedom” while riding a horse before facing his political enemy to inspire party members were unconfirmed at the time of going to press.
What followed was another bitter discussion on the date of the election — Should it be in March, April, or maybe January? February it is — and a surprisingly chaotic campaign followed (at least by German standards).
But none of that mattered for Lindy the prodigy. Surely, polls were wrong. They have been completely off in so many other elections around the world. No way his party was about to be absolutely destroyed at the ballot box, he did this for freedom and to save his own party (let alone his own skin), the German people must reward him for his valor and sacrifice.
Except they didn’t.
The FDP fell under the five-percent threshold needed to enter the Bundestag, crashing out of the German political stage in one glorious, shining moment.
What about the prodigy, then? As soon as the results became clear, Christian Lindner announced to the world that he would resign as party leader and retire from “active politics.” (Marking the first and biggest difference between Lindner’s and Salvini’s stories: The League’s leader still lives in denial and refuses to let go of his chair.)
But who knows, maybe he’ll return to politics one day —after all, who doesn’t love a good comeback-kid story?
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